thanks giving....

Last year I wrote this.....I am now totaly in a different place....but I am still gratefull for things listed in here. However, it may not be for the same reson now.....I hope you enjoy reading it....

Suzanne

Things that I am grateful for:

I am grateful for my family…..I love them and they are always there for me. They even let me know when I do well or poorly. They are a great source of support and love, even if they would not do things the way I would. They still try to let me be me without too much interference.
I am grateful for James……. He takes the time to figure out what is really bothering me and has the patience to deal with my moods. Just picturing his face makes me smile. I am grateful that he is strong enough to stand up to me and wise enough to understand me. (and I love him for that and many other things 11/24/08)
I am grateful for my friends both old and new……I am glad that the old ones are happy that I am happy because they knew Mark and miss us both….I am glad that the new ones understand that I had a totally different life before moving back to Fresno.
I am grateful every time………. a friend is excited about their changes in life be it the uncertainty of a new relationship, or excitement of marriage to the person that they love.
I am grateful when…….. a family member is excited, and scared about the birth of their children. I love the fact that my brothers are such good mates and fathers.
I am grateful …… about the promise of the future even though I am in uncharted waters.
I am grateful for my past……while at times I miss people, places, and experiences in my past that I know will never be the same and that I will never be able to experience again. I am glad that I lived them. I would not trade them for anything in the world because they make me who I am today.

In short I am glad that it is true that when a door closes others open and that god not answering prayers are sometimes the best answer for you. I am amazed that people can go through the worst things and come out of it better off.

And for all of that I am grateful…….

Fear, and Change

I no longer feel like this, I have conqured my fears, and trusted, and love...... I now have new fears like weather or not I will burn dinner......LOL

Friday, June 22, 2007

Scared

You know that there is not much that scares me. I do have fears…Fears that I have not experienced in years. Fears that I thought that I conquered, but now I know I had no fear because I knew how Mark felt about me at all times. Even when he was at his meanest, I knew that it was his pain and his own monsters that he was battling.

I know that my current fears are fears that go with not knowing weather or not others feel about you the way that you feel about them. They steam from learning to trust others even when nagging doubts fill you mind (because of passing comments made in jest), and fear that if you do you will be played.

You know that those fears are irrational, stupid and illogical. Yet I have them from time to time. I think that this is normal; everyone must go through some degree of this. After all I am my own worse enemy.

Life, Love and Quotes…….

Life, Love and Quotes…….

In reading quotes on love today I realized a few things….

I am very choosey about my friends…
I am even meticulous about those I give my heart to.

I know this because I have a few but close friends, but many acquaintances. I have different types of love. Such as the love of family members is different then the love that I have for my friends, just as the love I had for my husband is different then the love I am developing for my current romantic interest.

Here are a few quotes that I Like.

To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
Anne-Sophie Swetchine

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), Marriage and Morals (1929) ch. 19

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.
Bette Davis (1908 - 1989)

All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, O Magazine, February 2004

I like the quotes listed above as well as the one on my page because it talks about the wonder of it and the fear that is associated with the complete openness. I realize now that while to my friends, family, and acquaintances I am an open book. That this open book even has hidden chapters that can only be read by someone who loves her.

Things that I am grateful for:

This is something that I wrote shortly after moveing back to Fresno....things are differetn now and I have even more to be greatful for.......I should write a new one and add James to it...


Things that I am grateful for:

I am grateful for my family…..I love them and they are always there for me. They even let me know when I do well or poorly. They are a great source of support and love, even if they would not do things the way I would. They still try to let me be me without too much interference.
I am grateful for James……. He takes the time to figure out what is really bothering me and has the patience to deal with my moods. Just picturing his face makes me smile. I am grateful that he is strong enough to stand up to me and wise enough to understand me.
I am grateful for my friends both old and new……I am glad that the old ones are happy that I am happy because they knew Mark and miss us both….I am glad that the new ones understand that I had a totally different life before moving back to Fresno.
I am grateful every time………. a friend is excited about their changes in life be it the uncertainty of a new relationship, or excitement of marriage to the person that they love.
I am grateful when…….. a family member is excited, and scared about the birth of their children. I love the fact that my brothers are such good mates and fathers.
I am grateful …… about the promise of the future even though I am in uncharted waters.
I am grateful for my past……while at times I miss people, places, and experiences in my past that I know will never be the same and that I will never be able to experience again. I am glad that I lived them. I would not trade them for anything in the world because they make me who I am today.

In short I am glad that it is true that when a door closes others open and that god not answering prayers are sometimes the best answer for you. I am amazed that people can go through the worst things and come out of it better off.

And for all of that I am grateful…….

My Fresno Bee Story 10-27-08

JOHN WALKER / THE FRESNO BEE
Suzanne Pearson of Fresno — feeling difficulty in finding full-time work despite two college degrees — found work with a temp agency. She works assignment to assignment to keep her bills paid. "It's frustrating, because it's assignment after assignment I'm overqualified for."

Valley's jobless problem grows
Overqualified workers seen applying for posts.

By Tim Sheehan / The Fresno Bee
10/26/08 22:48:12

Suzanne Pearson of Fresno has a bachelor's degree and a master's degree -- and the pressure of trying to find a job in the Valley's uncertain economy.
For the past couple of years, Pearson, 37, has worked with a temp agency, bouncing from assignment to assignment just to keep the bills paid. She's unable to find permanent, full-time work.
She's not alone. With Fresno County's unemployment rate hovering near 10% and many experts saying a recession has begun, Pearson is among a growing legion of job-seekers flooding Valley hiring managers with applications for steady work -- even if they are overqualified.
The Valley's economy isn't dependent on heavy manufacturing like the industrial Midwest, where plant closures have devastated communities and helped boost the national unemployment rate to 6.1%. But the waves from Wall Street's market tumble, the credit crisis and declining consumer confidence are rocking segments of the Valley economy once thought insulated from job losses.
Jeffrey Michael, director of the Business Forecasting Center at the University of the Pacific's Eberhardt School of Business, said the Valley seems headed into a second phase of recession. After the collapse of the real-estate market and the burst homebuilding bubble, "it's spilling over into consumer spending."
"We're starting to see some pullback in employment in retail, restaurants and other consumer-discretionary things," Michael said. "What we're seeing in this second phase is a more broad-based weakness; there are fewer 'safe havens' out there for jobs" except in health-care fields.
For Pearson, having a bachelor's degree in applied management, a master of business administration and expertise in information technology is of little help in a tight job market.
"Here in the San Joaquin Valley, accounting is what pays the bills," Pearson said of her temp gigs. "It's frustrating, because it's assignment after assignment I'm overqualified for, but there are so many people looking for work."
In some instances, Pearson's education is a disadvantage. "It's discouraging to constantly hear you're overqualified; they end up hiring someone less qualified and don't even ask if you're willing to do it for less money," she said. "People are afraid they'll train me and then I'll be gone for something better in three or four months. ... But in this economy, that's not going to happen."
Retail sales take a big hit
The latest Valley business sector hit hard is retail sales. Steven Gutierrez, an analyst with the state Employment Development Department's Labor Market Information Division, said job losses in Fresno County's retail sector have doubled in each of the past three months for which statistics are available. About 100 retail jobs were lost in July, 200 in August and 400 in September.
"That's definitely showing retail suffering, and that's a national trend as well," Gutierrez said.
Construction continues to decline, he added, and the leisure and hospitality industries -- restaurants and hotels -- lost about 400 jobs in the past month due to the end of the summer travel season.
It's not just blue-collar workers who find themselves looking for work. Layoffs are being felt in midlevel and management ranks as the economy loses buoyancy.
At Central Valley Professionals, a network of managers and professionals looking for work, membership is nearly triple what it was just a couple of years ago.
One member, former produce-marketing executive Bill Slattery, said the economic situation is "cutting across all lines, from minimum-wage counter help all the way to the professional level. Nobody's protected."

Valley's jobless problem grows Slattery, who has a bachelor's degree in agricultural business management, has applied for everything from forklift driving to management positions -- so far to no avail.
Hordes of applicants
Personnel managers at some big employers are seeing far more applications now than they ever expected for some of the most mundane jobs.
The number of applicants for jobs with the city of Fresno has grown by 7% since last year, said Terry Bond, the city's personnel director.
City officials say the economic downturn also is forcing people to apply for jobs they normally wouldn't consider in better times. In one instance, a real-estate agent applied for a custodial job, Bond said.
Chris Williams, assistant superintendent for human resources in the Central Unified School District, said the district's had an overall increase in applicants for all types of jobs, and a bigger pool to choose from for substitute teachers.
Williams said he thinks the poor economy has hit small businesses especially hard.
"People who have owned businesses for 10, 12 years, just because of the instability of the market, they're looking for something more consistent financially. They come with great qualifications," Williams said.
At Fresno State, university officials are seeing a similar phenomenon.
"We have now doubled, or even tripled in some cases, the number of applications we receive for any given position," said Deborah Adishian-Astone, director of the California State University, Fresno, Association, the nonprofit corporation that runs commercial operations at the university. "For one recent office assistant position, we received 250 applications when we would normally receive about 75 to 80."
"We are seeing overly qualified people apply for lower-level staff positions," Adishian-Astone added. "We are seeing applicants with backgrounds in banking, executive management and real estate applying for some of our open positions."
That was before the university -- which hires separately from the association -- announced last week that it was freezing 31 open faculty and 35 open staff positions.
Michael, the UOP forecaster, said he believes that while real estate and construction jobs have been hard hit, losses in those sectors may be leveling off. "It's manifesting itself in a lack of hiring rather than major layoffs," he said.
That's what one major private-sector employer, Tom Vidmar of Anlin Industries in Clovis, said his company is seeing. "We have a stack -- and I mean a stack -- of applications from people who want to work here."
But Vidmar has no jobs to offer. His company, which manufactures windows and doors primarily for home remodeling, has reduced its work force by about 30%, to just over 200 employees, from its peak during the building boom as business shrinks.
Ag a boon?
One job-placement professional said she believes the Valley's agricultural base puts the region in a better position than other parts of the country. "When there's a downturn in the economy, our cohorts in other parts of the United States seem to be suffering a harder fall than us," said Kathy Bray, president of Denham Resources.
"Now the economy's terrifying, but we're still fine," she said. "People are still hiring management-level people, we're placing controllers and chief financial officers, mostly in the ag industry, and larger companies are still hiring."
Bray offered an example: One dairy company in Tulare County "with 20 $50,000-a-year jobs open right now." The jobs require special skills.
She remains cautiously optimistic about where things go from here. "We've been kind of holding our breath, but it's OK," Bray said. "It's not fabulous, but it's OK."
Staff writers Kerri Ginis, Anne Dudley Ellis and Doug Hoagland contributed to this report. The reporter can be reached at tsheehan@fresnobee.com or (559) 441-6319.